Love surrounds me as I try to get through the day without my boy. It has been 6 weeks and my heart is so broken… They say it gets easier… but not yet. I think of him all of the time and re-live so many loving moments with him in my mind. I cherish the very many photos I have and I watch his videos. I thank God every day that I took so many pictures & movies! I cry each and every day and reach out for him to comfort me with his love…
Indy’s last day with me started off with the good news that he ate his breakfast all on his own for the 10th day in a row! After a set-back in May, I was hand-feeding him breakfast and on a few occasions, dinner ~ but never once missed a meal! After breakfast, he wanted to stay out on the deck in our screen house with me. I dropped everything just to spend those special moments with him. We sat outside for close to 3 hours. It was a beautiful spring morning. I brushed him out, took a couple of pictures, and cuddled with him. There were many kisses exchanged & many I love you’s said!!
I left for a couple hours to take my yoga class & to pick up some treats and another squeaky stuffed animal for Indiana. I returned home and told him I had a surprise for him & and he was so happy! He was squeaking his new toy & had so much fun! I filmed this & also him singing & talking to me! Not to mention all of the cuddling, kisses and I love you’s that were spoken! It was such a nice afternoon! After a while he took a nap and rested comfortably by my feet.
At 3:30, it was time for his cough medicine & pain pill but he didn’t jump up for his peanut butter coated meds. I was worried but decided to give it to him as he was resting. He loved every drop! I noticed that his ears felt warm and under his chin too. This seemed out of the ordinary since we kept the air-conditioning at 65 to keep our boy very comfortable! (so we had to wear another layer – it was well worth it!) I called the doctor and they wanted me to take his temp “you know where”. I said I would keep an eye on him & would bring him in the next day if he was still warm. I also noticed that the past few days he was starting to cough in-between his meds – it seemed to be wearing off sooner. We talked about us increasing the dosage starting the next day. I wanted my boy to feel as good as possible & not have to cough so much.
At 4:30 I told Indy it was time for dinner and he got right up and inhaled his food right down it!! After his meal, he wanted to go outside on the deck in the screen house again & rest in his favorite spot! While I was sitting down cuddling with him, he started to cough more often and it had only been an hour since he took his cough medicine. He also started to get up and cough away from me so not to worry his mommy. He gagged a little too. I kept my eye on him and didn’t leave his side. I was very worried. At 5:30 he had coughed up a little blood. My heart sank and I called my husband first and then the doctor. I burst out crying as I was trying to be brave… They said to call them if it happened again and in the meantime, give him a pill for acid reflux, just in case… I then called my dear friend and when she asked if everything was ok – i said i wasn’t sure & burst out crying again. She said she was on her way over. We sat with him for an hour before my hubby arrived home on a later train. Indy jumped up to see him, gave kisses and went back on his cushion that I had outside..
At 7:30 he coughed up a tiny bit of blood and I feel it was God’s way of telling me that something was very wrong. I called the vet again and they said that they will be closing in 1/2 hour and we should bring him in knowing we may have to make a decision. I was crying and said: this is happening so fast! They responded on how it has been months and we both agreed how very blessed we have been that he beat the odds 17 months when we were only promised 4!! They also commented on how they have never met anyone like me who gave so much love to their dog and especially in his situation – that I have gone above & beyond with my Indy boy – he so deserved it!!
We were devastated but knew we were doing the right thing and it was for love. Indy jumped into the truck on his own and I sat in the way back with my arms around him for the whole ride… He did cough more & another tiny drop of blood was seen. My husband carried Indy out of the truck, but he trotted right in to say hi to his friends at the doctor’s office. Everyone there surely loved him & were all so sad… We were taken to the very back room where they had prepared a nice blanket for Indy to lay on. The Dr. was very surprised at how good our boy looked. He offered him cookies and Indy ate many. The doctor couldn’t believe he was eating the cookies at a time like this! But this was a good thing… He was not visibly suffering at all. The vet gave him sedation with an injection and his cough stopped. The staff stopped by to give him love and then we visited with Indiana for at least an hour and 1/2. He even barked for a few more cookies when we asked him.I was on the floor patting, cuddling, kissing & loving him “to death do we part”. I embraced every breath as he was starting to get tired. My honey then joined me on the floor & we both got big kisses from Indy. Those were the most cherished ones we ever had. We told him how much we loved him and that it was bedtime. He was looking at us with so much love and eyes were starting to close. I tried not to cry too much as I wanted him to know I was going to be ok (even though I couldn’t imagine living without him).
The vet shaved his back leg and prepared him for the injection to take him on his peaceful journey. I had him in my arms and he had his head up as I kissed him & embraced his love. He slowly nuzzled his head in my arms and on his front paw. He took his last deep breath and let it out with a very peaceful & relaxed sigh…. I held on to him for quite a while before I let go. My husband & I sat with him for another 1/2 hour as he looked so peaceful. It was just as if he was sleeping next to us. As sad as we were, we knew he was at peace. The blessing he was given was that he did not suffer. The blessing we were given was that we never saw him suffer. It was a very tranquil moment surrounded by love…
Indiana was truly a gift to us and everyone who loved him (and that was many!) He touched so many people’s lives and we all are so blessed to have had his love… Indiana’s love touched the souls of everyone who looked into those big brown eyes… To have been loved Indiana was so fulfilling and so special. He will live on in our hearts forever. I carry him with me wherever I go… We loved him so much that we said goodbye…but just …until we meet again on the other side…we will be together until the end of time. Until then, he will live on in our hearts and in our dreams. We will love you forever Indy xoxo
The spirit of Indiana will live on forever… his love surrounds us all and his legend will be honored. He is truly a gentle tripawd warrior who has inspired so many….He gives us all hope that a miracle can happen – he beat the odds for 17 months … when they told us 4-5! We were so blessed and grateful to have had all of that extra time to love him. I worked my whole life around my boy and gave him the best treatment to fight this devastating osteosarcoma … I gave him all my love! ♥♥♥